Diary of a mad (wo)man

I kinda forgot I had this, but theres a lot of stuff I gotta get out---and I'll be really suprised if anyone actually reads this. I'd write it on facebook---but since its creepy now, and stalking is high (i admit it, I've done it---read below) i'd rather not. People who have this now already know i'm a pain, so whats new.


**Start with summer: Job at the farm went ok, it was a lot more work in the field than I intended. I'm not working as a research assistant in the sucrose/electrophoresis lab---which honestly I don't think i'm qualified for. I do only get 8hrs a week though, but with all thats going on, I don't think i could handle much more.

**Broke up with Ryan: at least for a period. We're kinda friends again, but I don't know if we'll ever get back together. We grew to far apart, I was sick all summer and two surgeries, and he didn't even come to visit me. We're not meant to be, and thats fine with me cause I'd rather know that now then when I'm tied down with kids or something.

**The new apartment: Was supposed to be amazing, I live with Jeff (who i've known like, 2 years), Michelle (a year), and Dempsey (now....6 weeks) who the other roomates loved so I thought it'd be fine. Now, you know me, I'm not one to be talked down to, and if I'm disrespected I will mention that its out of line. I don't think they're used to women like me. Anyway--the cliff notes version to why I'm a bitch, it takes some explaining though.

1. It started with a party---that i wasn't told about when I went out of town. They (the guys) all got drunk, adn there was a girl there passed out. Michelle came in and Dempsey was pulling her on his lap and feeling her up. She got upset and took her home. Cock-blocking isn't the way to make friends.

2. Jeffs girlfriend; creepy mc creepster. I can't even say, I've NEVER meet a girl thats gotten under my skin like this. The story, she was engaged and her fiance died sometime in July. Which is terrible. But she hasn't greived. Since I moved in, they've been showering and sleeping together (very thin walls--i know this as fact). At the same time, she talks of how she uses guys to get what she wants, she scowls at me and goes through my room when i'm not there (i found chewy out on more than one occasion when i came home early), and on facebook complains of how the change makes her sick and all her comments are about the death. She doesn't say shes dating Jeff, and posts pictures of her fiance, she wants people to pity her for grieving she isn't having. She cheated on him while together, no new boyfriend should ever move out the stuff of the fiance before. Talk about having your cake and eating it too.

Anyway, I got off subject. When I moved in, she was living there, and lived there for 3 weeks. Michelle and I finally said---you can't stay here, theres not enough room(especially a girl who scowls at us when we come in a room, lies constantly, and uses people, especially my roomate---I just don't wanna be around that.) Anyway, Tracy (the psycho) got upset, went down to dempsey and gave a sob story of how we abused her---which until that point we said, and did, nothing. For reasons unbeknownst to me, hes scared of me, but he really abuses Michelle. He sat her down and said if she even ever talks to her again, he'll force her down and yell at her until the only thing she can do is cry. That same night, I got cookies from him.....right.

Since then, its been fight after fight for dominance between them. A day ago, he drew a picture of a mutilated Chewy (yes, my Chewikins---the chinchilla for a few months) and a machine gun. On top of the board was a bullet he shot a rabbit with, then kicked its head in to retrieve the 'full metal jacket' bullet. Needless to say, hes using nonverbal threats.


3. went to the apt. complex to see what we could do about evicting him/us moving out---cause feeling like this where you live just isn't working. They said they needed a formal complaint, so we would need to go to the police station to get a report, so if it happened again (any threat) it would be on record and it would work for us.

we got to the station. By chance, it was the lietenant. Michelle on the drive there told me about his 2 paintball guns and numerous knives. Flags went off. When we got there, we both filed a report---whihc I should have just stayed out of. Just with the past history, I dunno, after Jayme got threatened with that knife because of me---I just couldn't shake it----and only knowing him for 6 weeks---I didn't know what he was capable of. I didn't mention he's in ROTC. The lietenant called his commander. He (Dempsey) is depending on going into the navy as an officer for the next 20 years of his life. In one paragraph-i had no business writing-- I might have just ruined his life up till now. Worse, this comes out of left field for him. I'm nice most of the time until he provokes me, which doesn't happen to often, the only a problem when Michelle is there.

I know it wasn't completely undeserved. I didn't say all that in there though. Only the chewy thing, and a character thing: saying that when I opened up about depression and suicide-he went on to tell me that its Darwinism, the weaker should be killed off, that if I or anyone else thinks of suicide they should do a favor to the human race and kill themselves off.

I realize very few will read this. I've not only been overemotional in this, but i've been a bad friend. Things have gotten stressful and instead of turning to the people i know love me, I curl up in a little ball and explode. When I go home, I agreed to sit down and talk to Dempsey, adn whatever he says is deserved I know. I might have really messed up everything. I am being safe though. I called Josh---no answer--and called Ryan---who Dempsey knows, and I know will mediate between us. He needs someone to keep him in line, and I need someone to keep me from getting defensive and potentially yelling. He (Dempsey) has wrestled and thrown me to the ground before over nothing (I took it as a joke, but it hurt), so if hes angry, its for my protection to have Ryan there too.





If you didn't read all that, I don't blame you, the moral of this tale: i suck.

**Just a few more classes till the weekend!!! EEE.

**Laughed so hard at this: http://fakegaynews.com/index.php/2006/03/gay-couple-forced-to-return-adopted-ethiopian-child/

This is fake news, but hil-arious. Enjoy.

**Not much else is going on. I think my parents are coming down this weekend, which will serve as awkward at best...supposed to bring Ryan over to the grandparents place for dinner which might be fun.

**Its up to 4 jobs. **poor lil' lucky girl**

**So, I guess my mom is reading my journal without me giving her my name, i think she figured it out when i was in ohio....pisses me off that she won't admit it. How i know? She asked me about the jobs, and I haven't talked to her in over a week. I smell bullshit.

**OMG its so nice outside. It was so worth getting up for this morning!

**Did well on another interview, which I wish I could say was a good thing. So, in the last like, 3 days I've contacted professors and put in applications right? Three jobs. I'm offered one and practically guaranteed the others. **Poor little rich girl**

**It is seriously a problem though. I applied to one with Tina and we both got it right. Bad thing is, its just a coffee house with minium wage (i think). The others are actual research jobs working with soybeans in one and agar/germination in the other. I'd hate to say no to that one (coffehouse) since I'd be giving up working with tina before she leaves AND a guaranteed job. The others I might just be overestimating myself......BAH. What do you do when those other two say they'll be back to you in a week? I can't just, NOT respond to her for a week. (Though I do that all the time unintentionally to friends =/)

**Anyway, lessee, I heard of a rootbear kegger this weekend which sounds kinda fun. Although, I just saw a poster for it and its an 'alternate grand prix weekend'----does that mean underage pruds? GET DRUNK WITH THE OTHER FRESHMEN DAMN IT! Haha. Well, hopefully something will go on.

**A guy from Purdue is in jail for "threatening to kill the president, the vice president and their wives using expolosives....in the posts he advocated the mutilation of Anglo-Saxons and the bombing of Anglo-Saxon institutions." Right, scary stuff. But really, I'm sitting here with Asians to every side of me---so maybe Purdues excluded =) It DOES give more student visas out than anywhere else in the country i guess.

**Hungry, I want something but everything near here is pretty unhealthy. =/. Not that I usually eat healthy.....if I wasn't afraid of it being another visit day and not finding parking again, I'd just go home.
Home, where my thoughts escape me
Home, where my musics playin
Home, where my love is waiting silently for me

Name that song.

Hernando, I love you, click him and he'll do a trick, you can feed him too!!! **squeal**

**Its official, I want a puppy. I so want to be one of those people, or better yet, couples that walk their critter though campus. Won't be in a place to get one for many years though, so till then I guess its back to stuft animals.

**Thinking of throwing a Ryan/Tina (Ryina?) graduation party somewhere. Hopefully he doesn't read this, but anyway---everyone that reads this EVERYONE (that means even you Justin and Nick =) ) and any others--whens a good weekend for you? I'm thinking the saturday before dead week. I'm thinking, find a park or a place for a bon-fire and hang out for a while (in W.L though, this may prove to be a problem). That would TOTALLY suprise the crap out of them for you all to be there, so if thats good with you give me a call/email/reply.

**Stuck. If this does happen, then I want to do it right, right? So, if you guys are up for it, I think I'm gonna invite Al and Andrew. I mean, we don't get along anymore, but Andrew was a close friend to Ryan for a long time. I can't just NOT invite Al, that would be such a petty/bitch move.

**Otherwise doing a lot better. Sorry for the last entry. I'm trying to fix whats goin on by eating better, sleeping normally, and not watching TV anymore. Seems to be working ok so far. I can't believe still how much more work I get done when the TV's not a distraction.

**Might go to spring fest. I've never tried to spit a cricket before, might be fun.....what would that be--oza, oza, oza, oza, oza white meat? Yerg.

**Ok, I'm off like a prom dress.

**I'm sorry if it does turn out that way, I've done a lot of thinking tonight and just need to get it off my chest and out there. I'm sorry if any of this makes you uncomfortable, but i gotta get it out there. I'm sorry. Here goes.

**Haven't slept a full night since last wednesday. The nightmares have come back for some reason. I can see him forcing me down on him and threatening me with those yellow eyes. I can almost feel him over me pulling at my clothes. I should be over this, but I'm not, and I plan on getting professional help as soon as this semester is over.

**What doesn't kill you makes you stronger my ass.

**Ryan spent the night over the weekend and saw an 'episode.' Freaked him out and I feel horrible that he had to see it. But, I think he gets how real it is now.

**Scares me how everyone is going on with there real lives all of a sudden. Friends are graduating and could be hundreds of miles away. I want Lara/Jenni/Tina/and Ryan to do their best and be happy; but i wish they would be here. Look at me throwing a little tantrum, wanting them to stay when I don't hold them close now.

**Haven't done a days work since before spring break. Haven't gone to class, haven't studied, and haven't gotten a B on a test. Somethings gotta give. I mean, damn, what the hell. If I don't fix myself now, I'm gonna be nobody. I'm not going to graduate, I don't keep in touch with friends now--so i'll sure as hell lose them, and I won't keep Ryan if i stay this way. I don't want to be that person that makes excuses for their short comings--my downfalls are no ones fault but my own.

**Drinking coffee and listing what I'll do the rest of the night. I unplugged my tv and won't watch it unless its south park or a weekend-night. I can't tell you how much time i've wasted in front of it. Hopefully I won't go back on that anytime soon, I can be happier than this, and not by just taking my meds on time.

**My mom told me today that "When you were in 3rd grade, the rwading teacher at Cumberland said ypu had dylexia but she "cured" you in avout 2 months. The problem with a learning disability is that it can show up at different times in your life and a person might help ftom time to time. It might expalin a lot and you might be eligible for special accomodations." [i know, she sucks at typing =) ]

----I wish I was told earlier, I've always stuttered a bit and had to read things 3 or 4 times to get it. Damn. I didn't know, and have felt stupid so long because of it. Don't get me wrong, this is not an excuse. I haven't been going to class and I sure as hell can't expect to do well in a class I don't go to or do homework in. This might help me now, give me an undeserved INC in a class or two, but this does not account for my failures.

**Three hours till class. I still have time.

**Stayed up a lot thinking of relationships. I've come to realize that I'm not as good of a person as I like to think, I can be very judgemental and thats a definate low point in my personality. There are a few people that I still can't shake, that as hard as I try to forgive and blow off I can't. I think what I want and need resolution.

Protect me from what I want. please.

If a 'resolution' was made, I'd probably be this mess of tears and yelling/in some cases maybe even blood. I'd hurt those that physically hurt me, I'd kill those that had hurt Lara, and I'd beat the unholy crap out of my X. It still kills me inside, I showed Tom my scars from cutting myself, he knew I was suicidal and still he cheated on me with a 15y/o and couldn't even have the balls to tell me. I know he was ugly. I know he had the personality of a footstool, but as much as I don't like it, he touched my life.

**Gawh. I sound like one of those lame goth kids. I try not to be so pessimistic, I do, but theres so much left unsaid and undone.

**I've been here before. I've tried to change and have fallen into the same habits. I can't this time. My future self depends on it. Gotta get on with what I gotta do.

**Went again today to talk to my CS professor at 7am. Got there, and he BITCHED at me for 10 straight minutes. I mean, damn, I said I was sorry, I said i was completely at fault, I said everything I could but he just, in his words 'dug his heels into me' Definately don't care for him--but at least I get to take the test. I expect one more bitching session, but anything over, what, 5 minutes and I might kick his ass.

**Something I've noticed about purdue, the chicks are a more annoying. Not to be mean, but gesh, so many of them are always have a cell phone glued to their head, gossipying about hooking up and gigglying like 'duh' in front of guys, or just bitching about not being born paris hilton. True, I bitch my fair share, more so lately, but I feel like its my duty to spay them or something.

**Have a test in.....bout an hour upstairs from where I am now. Haven't really studied and haven't really been to class---but s'all good, I did a short review so I think I'll still get a B.

**Theres a comedy show tonight at the lafayette brewery. Think I might go. Currently, I've been sorta bored and I'm thinking about making an obstacle coarse/treasure hunt to get ryan and the gang there. Can't say no to that. Gotta think of some hiding spots---maybe a clue can be tapped into a park slide or hung from a tree. Might just do what I did during 'the war' and kidnap something of theres. Hmmm, wonder what ever happened to those flamingos....my guess is abbi still has em.

**I've been thinking a lot about the past since last night. Its not a bad thing at all, I won't get stuck there. But, I was considering Kitty and how freshman year she shaved her head and renounced most of her possesions. I wish I was the kind of person to be able to do that--for realzies. Anyways, seriously considering buzzing my hair. I think it'd be part renouncing and part selfish---no more messing with my hair =) Although, all I do is put it in that bun thing---I don' t bother to brush it most of the time.

**Hahaha, though if i did, I'd have strips since I burned with my hair cornrowed over break.

**Next week I'm gonna treat myself to this:
www.aerobicstriptease.com

How rockin is that?! I was gonna get this for you Jenni for your b-dai; but I figured between Justin (primary) and Lara (secondary by givin you play things) you proably had all you could use for now. I got a little something now, but I got about 2 weeks---i'll get you something goood.

**What is with people with brown/black hair getting pale blond highlights? I think it looks nasty, but i don't get those fads. As far as I can see its that, big ugg boots hey can barely walk in, and highlighted contacts that are in. I dont' get it. I'm so lucky to have a-natural friends =) Their personalities are sooo good they don't have to spend a hour getting ready for class =) [this includes everyone that can read this, so give yourselves a hand]

**Ryan and I are different people. Nothing to read into on that, just, he does things when he needs to and I like to do em for the hell of it. For example: getting a scuba liceance. IT'D BE COOL TO HAVE AND FUN TO DO. But Ryan doesn't see a point to it since theres not an immediate activity to do. I might still do it, just over the summer instead of beginning of april. He is warming up to tandem skydiving though (think you attached to a friend jumping 14500 feet from a plane over Chicago--sweet)

**Thats enough, I should go ahead and study. Take care all, and I apologize if you wasted your time reading all that.

**Haven't updated since spring break, so this is sure to be a long entry

**This is kinda one crappy week. I got sick coming home and have bronchitus. Its not too terrible now, but i DID miss classes mon-wednesday that I really couldn't afford to miss. My roomate is also a WAC. 'What a cunt'--thank you lara for that, i loooove it. Anyway, cause she was angry at me she threw my stuff off the tabletops and counters--put dryer lint on my clothes---wrote ANOTHER passive aggressive note---and HID all the dishes and silverware in her room. I mean, I think we were a day from having poop smeared all over the wall. Really WHO DOES THAT. Confronted her, finally, last night and got the dishes back---I think I held back too much, I really wanted to tear her apart but my estrogen got in the way and made me start crying. Bah. Hate it. One last thing to bitch about then I'm done. My physics professor moved a test to this next monday---the same as a CS exam. I told the guy and he was like, ok, talk to him to get it changed. I haven't been able to see him and today he was like, 'I don't know how much effort you're really putting into this, so I don't think I'll switch it up for you'--blah blah blah. I could feel my face become flustered as I asked him, but he said if I meet him in his office tomorrow moring 7 AM SHARP we could work something out. This school thing is getting old.

**Random, this guy on the other side across the isle from me is going through pics of JESSICA BOWEN. Do you know any guys that have army jackets, longer brown hair and a dominos hat? Me thinks someone likes you!! He's looking at the pic with you (as a baby) your mom and dad in the peace corps. Actually, hes looking through a lot of them.....hmmmm.

**Needed that break soooo bad, and want another one now. A group and I went on a 3-day cruise to Nassau. I still can't say it, but say it like a southern man and thats about right----Naw-sow, go figure. While there we went snorkeling (and passed Oprahs frickin big house---as well as Elvis' old one), rented scooters, and lazed about the island--we only had the scooter for about an hour--since we almost CRASHED several times.

**Listen to me---whine whine whine.

**Gonna decide today if I can do it, but I think that I might become an EMT!!! The class starts in about a week and is every Tues/Thurs from 5-7. I have to make sure it doesn't get in the way of any exams though---I really don't want to go through this again......

**OK, gotta keep movin on up.

**No one answers my phone? It MUST be mine then. My number might actually be 765-497-7111.....yeah, i dunno. Call and we'll see.

**Wait a sec, its the weekend, what am I doing in the lab?

**Oh yeah, i don't have a computer....it suddenly just crapped out on me about 2 weeks ago, locked up and wouldn't even start up. Ryan and the computer guy think its a harware problem. I hope not, cause I really don't feel like fighting with it anymore or buying another computer.

**By 'buy' I mean take the trouble to jack one out of a lab. I just gotta find one without cameras.

**I think i'm gonna go home and make daquaris. Lara, I'll call you in say, 20 minutes.

**Spent today at PUSH (purdue's healthcenter). It was crazy, I had these sharp pains about where my liver was and had xrays and bloodwork done. They thought it was a gallbladder attack. Sounds sexy. What it really was was even better, 'air is trapped in your descending colon and 'stuff' is packed in the ascending'---so pretty much "I HAVE GAS" I was pretty embarassed over it, but everyone has to take time to laugh at themselves. Hope you like that. They clear up one thing, I have vasovago response. Meaning, when I'm in a lot of pain I pass out. Knew it, but i didn't know a name for it.

**I'm about to get kicked out of lab, but my computer and phone are MIA---so call my apartment phone---I BELIEVE its 497-7100. If not, pretend they called you or something. bwhaha.


**GTG, later loves.

**Without a computer still. What gets me, is that i brought it into 'Geek Squad' last week and I havent heard anything since. Maybe if i answered my phone. Also, it cost me over $200. Thats like, a third, or more, of a computer there. Greedy bastards.

**For that reason and more I spit on a car yesterday. It had a geek squad sticker and a vote Bush 2004 sticker. Yes, yes, wheres your bush now?

**At first it may seem depressing, but money really does make the world go round. Its what you do with the money you have that can make a difference.

**Dropped a class today. The professor was a jerk and I'm glad to be done with it. Now, I don't have class till 1:30 on Thursdays----score.

**Damn this day, damn me, and damn it.

**I don't understand it, I studied so hard, and I still couldn't make the grade. I'm about to give up and change my major to something simple--or at least easy to graduate from. Maybe i'll drop out now and work for the city. Maybe i'll find a little cubical to crawl into and stay till i'm far to decrepide to enjoy myself again. I am so fucking tired of this studying for hours and fucking up on tests. I can't do any better.

**On top of that I'm pretty sick. I'm gonna cut classes after physics and just go to bed. I should really think about if its best for me to go down to bloomington. On one hand, the girls will eventually cheer me up. On the other, I'll probably just bitch and whine the first day or two bringing them down. They have lives and fun of their own anyway, they can go to the ball and hang out with friends and they'll still have a great weekend.

**No one needs me now and no one ever will.

**This girl next to me is laughing and it feels like someones stepping on my chest.

**My computer is now completely dead--it won't even start up now =( But, on the plus side, it looks like I'll be on campus more, so more entries!

**I was driving to class today listening to the x (103.3) and heard them joking about IU. Something about Bobby Knight beating up hippies in front of taco bell? Have you seen this, have you heard about this? =) I do wonder if its true though.

**Got a CS exam at noon, but I don't really care to study, though I should.

**Yesterday I got ANOTHER reminder I'm on academic probation---they really like stickin it to you (optimist) and kickin you while down (pissy pessimist) I'm somewhere between the two I guess.

**Can't wait to go down to funky town this weekend. I think Tina wants me to stay for her class and Ryan wants to have valentines day this weekend---but my heart--and my loins cry to leave. Who am i to go against the almighty vulva anyway?

**Vagina monologes this weekend.

Holy crap, I have internet again, though i don't expect this to last long.

**So what is this news about Dick Cheney shooting his friend? I'm so gonna watch the news, I mean, the hell? He has the CIA following him around, why the fuck is he carrying a gun?

**This week is totally gonna wear me out, nothing like a runaway to bloomington to clear that up though =) So girls, I'm STO<ed. Three tests. Who does that. **Hoping I can still come down tomorrow. I cancelled my appointment since i realized I have a test in there later this week. But, I'm thinking if its not, ya know, a BLIZZARD i'll still be coming down, so don't fret. **Been having freaked up dreams about having kids. They're soooooo cute in them, like, human puppies. **Dyed my hair yesterday. It doesn't look very different to be honest, but the pink is faded now. **Twenty-six days till spring break. I've been thinking, South Padre would be cool, but it would take 2-3 days to drive down there, 2-3 to go back, and that doesn't leave a lot of beach time. Student Universe seems to have a lot of good deals, so, we NEED to get on that soon. Chicago-Jamaica is already sold out. Speaking of which, in the newspaper it had something on Jamaica---noting that negril has 'nude beaches.' **Not that I'm a perv. **But there really is nothing more beautiful to me then having the self esteem to be out there naked. Maybe they're used to it, but if I can get the gazongas to sit out there naked i'd be pretty proud of myself. (except the bottoms---I don't think I can handle sand in there)

**Things have gotten better with Ryan and I (thank goodness). We still got a few issues here and there but we're not breaking up, so OPA.

**Theres a concert this weekend at the Lafayette Brewery on Friday. And on Saturday I guess they're having this big beer tasting thing there. Thinking I'll probably end up being a bar rat this weekend.

**Though I shouldn't.

**Ran into Jenny Kohler earlier today---nice girl then, nice girl now. Shes working at Amused, so I think I'll go down there Sunday to get my ears pierced again. It occured to me i've had the same piercings on my ears since like, freshman year high school. To long to say the least. I also gotta find me a nose hoop ring still. Think I'll look tonight if I make it to all my classes.

**Been sorta inexplicably hormonal today. Is bipolar contagious, cause if it is.....i kid-i kid.

**I've been carrying candy on campus for 'my squirrel' His name is jellybean. Don't have him hand fed yet but we're gettin there.

**Children's were in CDFS today! squeal!! There were maybe 8 of them from 1 month to 3 years old running and playing on stage the whole time. One came down and played with me for a while. I thank the fuzzy orange sweater i'm wearing =) Also, being in hte front row cause i was late didn't hurt.

**I'm not sure about the character, though the phrase "Ladies and gentlemen, there?s nothing to worry about...but please keep your heads down." seems like it would gaze my lips. But have i invented anything?

**I was talking to Terri today about biology for some reason, and found out she knows Ryans dad! Her first year here she worked in his lab---small world huh. She's even been to his house----so maybe she'll recognize that puffy haired man o' mine.

**Though it hasn't been love and kisses lately. We're picking fights with each other over the dumbest shit right now. I hope it passes soon though.

**Tried to get over ourselves last night by going to dinner together. We didn't talk about anything in particular, but it was nice to just be ourselves and not worry bout it for a while. indeed.

**Still no computer at home, which SUCKS terribly. I'm thinking tonight I'll talk to Amy and be like, know what? I'm not going to pay the internet bill this month since i've had it only a few days---and ya know what else?! i'm gonna pay MORE for the heat---cause i've been waking up blue faced the last few days. True, I haven't been taking my thyroid meds, but damn, no one needs to wake up with it being 60something with the fans on. Fo-sizzle-damnit.

**Thinking of even saying I won't have internet in my room again this year----which could be tricky---but theres always the computer lab at the apartment and here to fall back on. More will come later. Any suggestions on what to say would be GREATLY appreciated.

You Are Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

You take the title "mad scientist" to the extreme -with very scary things coming out of your lab. And you've invented some pretty cool things, from a banana sharpener to a robot politician. But while you're busy turning gold into cottage cheese, you need to watch out for poor little Beaker! "Oh, that's very naughty, Beaker! Now you eat these paper clips this minute."

**Its been almost a week since I haven't had internet at home. I didn't think it would be a big deal, but when I realized like, all my homework was online and that I don't have the occasional cheery message to come home to on aim---i realized it sucked. Though, I am getting a lot more done without it. I've actually gone and worked out because i didn't have it!! Not that I like to work out, I was just so booooored.

**Skipped a lot of classes this week for some reason. I just wanted to sleep. Not because i'm sick, not because i stayed up late, I just thought i'd be happier staying in a warm bed then going to mid-morning classes. I'll work on it this weekend.

**Planning a suprise for ryan tonight. I'm gonna clean up the room and have a 'SAFARI NIGHT' Complete with hanging stuffed animals around, a nerf gun, and maybe making a little fort out of the couch cushions. I know its such a little kid thing, but i'm excited. I might even make jambalya. HAHA. I have a bondage piggy, a lil' chicken and a bear to hunt tonight...maybe i'll 'put' all of them in the stew. Besides the bear.

**I'm not frickin ted nuget.

**I smell like smoke this morning. Went to hookah last night for a couple hours with sharmee. arinha, and yasmeen. They had bellydancers and a dj too---so it was pretty cool, I'm sure everyone reading this would have loved it. And, if you give me a call/come and visit I'll take you =)

**Now for a little bitching. My hearing is getting a lot worse, and I finally broke down about it last night. Like for this human development class, we have 'observational modules' which are like, tapes of kids on playgrounds or at daycare to see how they're developing or something. They ask these POINTLESS questions, like, 'what are the names of the three infants?' i mean, I listened to it 4 times last night, making this 20 minute assignment something like 2 hours. I just hate it, people think i'm not paying attention or dumb when I really can't help it.

**I'm not a dumb blonde.

**And I gotta go to prove just that. Off to organic!!

Natural born. You scored 36% Cold and 69% Level-Headed!

You'd kill and probably not feel a damn thing. Maybe you need to think about that.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 32% on Cold You scored higher than 82% on Level-Headed

Link: The Can You Kill a Man? Test written by notmarkflynn on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Didn't expect that outcome. I got 'anst'--like those dumb goth chicks I guess. Haha. bang. its for the greater good?

I am literally unreachable this week. I'm trying to carry my phone around to fix it but I keep forgeting it. My internet is down so I'm taking advantage of the campus ones for now.

I caught two chicks staring at me, like, straight up, same time. I'm in no remarkable spot---but maybe my hairs all over the place.

Skipped three classes today. Was sorta an accident though. The first one, I straight up slept through, the second, I was up, but was like, I'll get up in 5 min without setting the alarm. The third. Well, I just don't like that class. Did make it to CSlab though. Mail mergers, yay, I feel so valued now.

**Ran into Ara yesterday at Walmart (I know, I shop there as little as possible, but I was in a hurry and needed pencils for my test). He's getting married in May. Which he made sure to tell me several times. Maybe i'm invited? But, its funny, he's going a little bald! Haha, i'd never say that to him, but its definately receeding.

We can't be that old, can we?

I pooped out on the crisis center thing. There were about 40hours of training before you could do it, and I don't really have time for it I guess. It's to bad though, I think it would have really made me happy.

Getting more an more eager lately. I wish there was something I could do NOW with my education.

My grandparents are in a way, renouncing me. It started with nothing for my birthday or christmas from them, then it was the passive agressive ignoring me, last time I talked to them they just keep saying how inconsiderate I was. Yet someone else who hates me for not answering my phone =(. The parents want me to call them, but really, I hate things that I know will make me feel bad. Bah. I need to get away.

Somewhere far from here, in say, a month? Spring break is coming up, and I still havent' a clue what I'm doing. I just need to get out of here, even if it means driving to ohio to stay with my parents. arg.

**No me gusta *cold*